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I haven't written about you. Or the sun in Quito, kind of like the sun here: sometimes yellow-morning; sometimes dim and blurry inside clouds; sometimes absent as I have been from Santo Domingo.

Oh, I haven't written you into sentences that say 'missing.' That say it with a bird's tender voice resting on the Esmeralda sand; or warm footsteps upon streets on the way to a room with books.

I just haven't, you see. And today I will not write either. Either write you into sentences or sentence myself to write about you even in one word. What word? Indeed!
I almost could, though. I almost thought that I did - carving longing into letters that form poems, one and one and one upon another - but you left again so soon, and I just haven't written about you.
Creative Commons License
Some rights reserved. This work is licensed under a
Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 License.
:iconspanishrubi:

Author's Comments

About daddy. Not to be taken in a negative light, given the concluding line; such some nostalgia and remembrance.

-Mai

Comments


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:iconopaquediaphanousness:
I know this feeling exactly, and you've captured it so gorgeously :D
:iconspanishrubi:
Thank you kindly! :D

-Mai

--
"I wrote the first faint line, faint, without substance, pure nonsense, pure wisdom of someone who knows nothing, and suddenly I saw the heavens unfastened and open."
--Pablo Neruda, The People's Poet, Chile (1914-1973)
:iconnathan-speaks:
This is really nice writing! You manage to create a strong sense of place without having to resort to long boring descriptions; the images you do describe are very subtle and well chosen, little details that are enough to suggest a whole world without being too heavy.

I really like the structure and phrasing of this piece. Each paragraph is carefully measured, and there is a clear progression from one to the other, a clear sense of development. The phrases are short and rhythmical, to the point where I would almost call this piece a prose-poem. Ending with a repeat of the opening phrase ties things together nicely.

Very good work!
N
:iconspanishrubi:
Thank you. I did intend this to be (at least to/ for myself) as a prose-poem piece. I'm glad you liked it as such.

:)

-Mai

--
"I wrote the first faint line, faint, without substance, pure nonsense, pure wisdom of someone who knows nothing, and suddenly I saw the heavens unfastened and open."
--Pablo Neruda, The People's Poet, Chile (1914-1973)
:icondaisybrown:
Oh lord. I was gonna cry... Thanks for sharing
:iconpageburner:
Very cool prose you manage to capture great vivid imagery. Thanks for sharing it. :-)
:iconfrazzled-mage:
Lovely work. To read a piece that rings true to me, is a pleasure. Thank you for your work.

jfk

--
please stop by sometime :gallery:

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youarerighthereyouhavetakenthespaceoutofmywords
:iconnegated:
:)

Congrats on the UA.

--
| MIMESIS |
:iconmare-wrath:
i love itt... i would just change "that make poems" near the end into "that form poems"

--
~ForTheLoveOfMusic - group, ROCK ON!
~fortheloveofwords - group, all submissions earn multiple critques/reviews!

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Je suis un Américain ignorant; corriger mon français!

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July 9, 2007
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