I haven't written about you. Or the sun in Quito, kind of like the sun here: sometimes yellow-morning; sometimes dim and blurry inside clouds; sometimes absent as I have been from Santo Domingo.
Oh, I haven't written you into sentences that say 'missing.' That say it with a bird's tender voice resting on the Esmeralda sand; or warm footsteps upon streets on the way to a room with books.
I just haven't, you see. And today I will not write either. Either write you into sentences or sentence myself to write about you even in one word. What word? Indeed!
I almost could, though. I almost thought that I did - carving longing into letters that form poems, one and one and one upon another - but you left again so soon, and I just haven't written about you.















Comments
-Mai
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"I wrote the first faint line, faint, without substance, pure nonsense, pure wisdom of someone who knows nothing, and suddenly I saw the heavens unfastened and open."
--Pablo Neruda, The People's Poet, Chile (1914-1973)
I really like the structure and phrasing of this piece. Each paragraph is carefully measured, and there is a clear progression from one to the other, a clear sense of development. The phrases are short and rhythmical, to the point where I would almost call this piece a prose-poem. Ending with a repeat of the opening phrase ties things together nicely.
Very good work!
N
-Mai
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"I wrote the first faint line, faint, without substance, pure nonsense, pure wisdom of someone who knows nothing, and suddenly I saw the heavens unfastened and open."
--Pablo Neruda, The People's Poet, Chile (1914-1973)
jfk
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please stop by sometime
[link]
youarerighthereyouhavetakenthespaceoutofmywords
Congrats on the UA.
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| MIMESIS |
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~ForTheLoveOfMusic - group, ROCK ON!
~fortheloveofwords - group, all submissions earn multiple critques/reviews!
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Je suis un Américain ignorant; corriger mon français!
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